My Body, My Right

The more appointments I go to the more I feel like I am having my right to choose taken away. Last week I had pre-op group, a one-on-one session with the fatty therapist, medical clearance, an Esophogram and an appointment with the Bariatric clinic to assess some pelvic/hip pain I have been experiencing. Here is a quick run down:

Group/Psych: I am still not cleared by psych. Perhaps it is because the doctors keep giving everyone different information from the nutritionist causing me to appear as if I do not have the mental capacity to follow the rules of this surgery. Both nutritionists on separate occasions have said that we (the fatty patients) can have milk, juice, rice and walking is exercise. The catch is the milk has to be skim, almond or soy, etc., the juice has to be no sugar, diet juice or watered down and the rice has to be brown rice. Everything is okay as long as it is portion controlled. Some of the liquids such as Carnation Instant Breakfast that is recommended for the two week pre-op liquid diet is required to be mixed with milk. The nutritionists also suggest that the plain whey or rice protein be mixed with milk and a small piece of fruit. However, everything the doctors say is the exact opposite. I have dubbed one doctor specifically the Food Nazi, this bitch has never been fat in her entire life, you can tell that fat people disgust her and that she is here for the money. She is nasty to patients and has a holier than thou attitude. The Food Nazi and the other bariatric doctors have said no juice, milk or rice at all.  The Food Nazi specifically has said there is no such thing as diet juice, juice is as bad as soda and is just empty calories. She also said never drink milk or have rice both are bad for you and that walking is not considered exercise ever.

So while I have been good and cutting back on things, the therapist feels like I am not following the program at all. I was not given a six-week weight loss program I was just told to start making changes, cut back on things and make substitutions. When I proudly ran down what I have been eating; yogurt for breakfast, mostly Mexican for lunch and tuna for dinner her head almost popped off her shoulders. All things the nutritionist told me were okay. She then informed she is not granting me psych clearance yet.

Yesterday as the nutritionist was listing off these things as foods we can have, I called him out on it and told him that we are being fed conflicting information. He stated that some of the doctors in the program (i.e. Food Nazi) are being extremely strict and want us to lose as much weight as possible before the surgery however if we followed those guidelines we would never have anything to eat and not get the proper nutrition we need. Too bad none of the doctors were around to hear that but I will bring it up to the therapist on Friday.

Medical Clearance: Except for my chronic pain and my fat I am totally healthy. So healthy that the doctor who cleared me told me I should go to a popular pancake place near my house to celebrate. These doctors are here to make you insane.

Esophogram: Less than a half hour. You have to lay on your stomach with your head turned to the side drinking Barium which has the consistency of Kaopectate and the same taste but without the mint flavor.

Bariatric Clinic: This is where I feel my right to choose what I do with my body has been stripped from me. I all ready have an enormous issue with the inability to get the proper health care I need because doctors cannot see through the fat but when I feel like I am being blackmailed into getting a surgery so they can agree to find out what is causing my agonizing pain, then it is time to rage. After months of telling doctors I need a CT Scan or and MRI of my hip area and being bounced around doctors telling me to lose weight and my pain will go away the Bariatric clinic agreed to see me. The three doctors in the room kept insisting I have the surgery first then they will deal with the issue which translates as, we will do the surgery and then hold up your life some more with this medical problem. Then the male surgeon said if they do the surgery they will laparascopically look in the area to see the problem and that is the best way to find what is causing the bulging. So basically he is saying do the surgery or we do nothing. By the end of the appointment they finally agreed to a CT Scan however they all believe since my X Ray and Ultrasound came back clear this will show nothing and I need to move on with the surgery. In this one appointment my right to choose what I do with my body was stripped away. I was blackmailed, either stay fat and live in agonizing pain or have the surgery, be skinny and if it still hurts we will look into it. Either way I do not see a resolution where I can have my life back before the age of 30. Hospitals are always holding me back from like. After three months of job hunting I was finally offered a job and once they found out I had all these appointments they turned me down and that has been the problem for the last three years. It took doctors a year to diagnose my lower back pain because they were all too focused on my fat and that held me back and the longer they make you wait for an appointment to get an appointment for a test or a referral the longer your life is held back. I just want to live my life without being blackmailed and held back by medical morons.

That is all for this week perhaps next week I will regain the right to make decisions about my body from these insurance milking assholes.