One Year Later

I had my surgery a year ago today. I've lost a total of 132 lbs. and am a size 6. I have never been less than a size 12 in my entire adult life. I look at my size 12 pants and think they are huge yet I look at myself and still think I am huge. I am still losing weight though now it is at a much slower pace. Things are so different now, I actually go to workout classes, I'm trying to tone those pesky thighs and I feel good. I still get a case of the lazies and hungries but I don't let myself feel awful about it. Sometimes I push myself out of it to do things but other times I can't get the motivation but we all feel like that now and again and it's okay to have a lazy and/or hungry day. Just because you did something you felt was wrong one day doesn't mean it has to affect tomorrow. Move on. Just keep following instructions given to you and as time passes you begin to modify them to fit your life and you will own it. Own everything about your new body and lifestyle. Just remember all of this is normal.

Big Fat Flea

Attention Tri-State fatties:

The Big Fat Flea is back!


On June 9, head to the greatest plus size flea market in the world! You can get everything from dress clothes to pajamas here all at low flea market prices. Last year jeans were $5 and dresses were $10. All clothes come from donations from other fatties. In the past, I have gotten brand new items with tags still on them for less than $10. I even found amazing unworn shoes. I recommend everyone wanting to clean out their closet, fill it up or struggles with finding clothes in their size go to the flea's page which is linked above. This year, I'm donating mountains of stuff, including shoes. So, I can personally guarantee there will be good stuff there.


See you at the flea.


https://www.facebook.com/BigFatFlea

Chris Christie: Poster Boy for Jersey, Donuts and Lap Band?

I don't know if this is big news outside of the tri-state area but the loudest and fattest governor in the area, Chris Christie has undergone Lap Band surgery. The barrel of a governor was under constant scrutiny because of his weight, however, during the devastation of hurricane Sandy, Christie proved that his weight was no obstacle in doing what needed to be done for his state. He is a man who is determined to get his job done. Despite his efforts, reporters were more focused on his weight. Like most of us, his weight was upstaging his actions.

Christie's career constantly comes into question because of his size. One doctor even questioned whether or not Christie could run the country if he chose to run for president when he cannot control his weight.  During serious press conferences reporters have asked him how he felt about Twinkies being discontinued, blatantly disrespecting him. Christie  often fires back with being a good sport and displaying humor in his size such as his appearance on the David Letterman show when he could not fit in the guest chair: Chris Christie on David Letterman. 

Christie publicly goes through the humiliation that many fatties go through from the never ending discrimination to the belittling as if we do not deserve any kind of respect or compassion. He under went secret Lap Band surgery, like many of us he chose not to share the shame that is weight loss surgery. Now that he has gone public and has admitted that he did not want to go public because it is his business people are further criticizing him. This public shaming of Christie reinforces the stigma of shame and failure that comes with weight loss surgeries. Sadly, now that he has admitted to the surgery he will always be fat in the public's eyes. 

I am down to a size 10 and I don't have much sagging skin but people still call me fat or something insulting along the lines almost every day. I don't know how I dealt with it when I was twice my size but I really get upset about it now and even though I am in the closet about my surgery and many of these people are strangers, I just know if people knew I had the surgery I would forever remain a size 20 in their eyes. I applaud Chris Christie for having the courage to go public and maybe one day people will respect him for who he is and not he size. 

*Disclaimer: I think he sucks politically but as a fatty public figure I think he does a good job of showing all the hardships and criticisms we face. 

Quick update: 

Hopefully, I will be back with a new update soon. So many job offers have been rolling in that it just furthers my belief that employers don't see anything but fat because before, I wasn't getting any offers. I have been busy trying my hand at different companies. I actually had to leave one because the office would eat cake and cookies on a daily basis and cry that they were fat, go on a juice fast then show up with more cake and wonder why they wouldn't lose a pound. They would also get upset when I would not indulge with them. That office was a danger zone and I had to get out. Those people make me sick in their ridiculous actions and fad diets. Next time I will give you guys a better update. 

Post-op Scar Six-Months Later

It has been six months since I have been officially inducted into the bariatric cult. If you are pre-op and concerned or curious about the scarring after surgery then read on. Please remember, we all heal differently based on individuals and their surgeons.

This is the view if you were looking directly at me. The larger incision seems to be doing it's own thing. Half of it is smooth and does not bother me, the redder half is raised and itchy from time to time. The little incision to the right is also slightly raised and gets itchy from time to time. The one on top is the most irrittating bitch of an incision I have. It's raised, it hurts, it itches and it hates bras! Sometimes I sit here and curse at it.

 *PICTURE REMOVED*

Here is a closer look at the largest incision:

*PICTURE REMOVED*

I was not able to take a picture of the other two smaller incisions. They are both very light and in smooth. I couldn't get a picture where you could actually see them. One of them is almost virtually invisible, it kind of blends in with the stretch marks.

I'm hoping in six more months the top one will smooth out and stop being irritated by everything. I will update the scar progress when I hit the year anniversary.

Post-Op Emergency Preparedness

I had a very difficult time with the aftermath of hurricane Sandy. You can revisit my experience being recently post-op and going through a natural disaster here: Hurricane Sandy Post-op Regret. Naturally, I had regrets and questions on being prepared for my new stomach during an emergency situation. One of the pages I check out on Facebook read my post and put together an excellent article about about post-op disaster preparedness. Please check it out and start preparing yourself, you never know when you will need it.

Weight Loss Emergency Essentials

Cathy Wilson did an excellent job on this. Enjoy.

Double Chins and Naughty Bits

When I was a teenager I had a friend who was 200 lbs., she thought she was a blimp so she went on an insane diet of laxatives and ice cream. She lost 100 lbs. in a matter of months. She thought she was going to be so sexy until all the skin started hanging loose. Her complaints went from, "I'm so fat nobody loves me to my vagina is still fat, nobody is gonna have sex with a fat vag." The life of a plus sized teenager isn't much different from an adult. I don't know whatever happened to her because she turned into the conceited monster bitch most formally fat chicks turn into because they think they are hot stuff (That's a problem for another blogging day). Let's move on to double chins and over sized vaginas. This can be an uncomfortable topic, some people can't even say or read the word vagina without dread but it is a part of this surgery and lifestyle so you have to get used to all your fatty parts and figure out how to tackle them.

Her worries about loose skin and a fat vagina were totally valid. Before my surgery, while many in fatty group were worried about sagging breasts (even the men), my two main concerns were  my chin and my vagina. I knew I had two fat body parts exercise couldn't help and I was so worried that I would lose all this weight and have my double chins flopping away and have to hold up my formerly fat vagina in some Spanx forever. Long before surgery, when I realized how fat I had become was the day I had to wear long shirts because I could see IT bulging below my tire like it's own little tire. I can tell you this without providing too much information, both are fine. The chin went away on it's own and the lady parts seem to have gone with it. My major concern right now in the flapping department are my upper arms and thighs. This is going to be a tough long haul in tightening and toning because I really don't want to have any tucking surgeries.

I want to know what some of your concerns are with sagging after surgery, even the ones you are too shy to ask the doctor about. All sagging concerns are valid and it would be great to hear from some people on how they toned different body parts. Feel free to leave a comment, no need to sign up for blogger. I do monitor for spam comments so keep your viagra and work from home survey spam to yourself.

In the Fatty Closet

Hiding in my closet behind size 20 pants and 3x tops is me. I look like a child trying on her mother’s clothes; except I’m an adult and those over sized clothes are mine. Everything is too big and I’m too broke to buy anything new especially with the knowledge that those clothes will also be too big sooner than later. People keep asking me how I did it and I tell them I have started to eat right and I started playing those Just Dance games. Though, it is true that for some eating right and getting off their fat asses and sweating will work, it didn’t for me and I am still ashamed by the stigma of fatty surgery. I don’t want anyone to downplay my victory and the way I feel about my weight loss because I had the surgery. I’m not ready to come out of the fatty closet. In a way I am disappointed, I owned my fat but why can’t I own this? Someday I suppose.  

A minor medical update: After months of no follow ups due to the hurricane I finally got to see a doctor who told me to continue on the track I am on. Since the day of my surgery in September and my appointment this past January I have lost 55lbs.  In total, since August (including the liquid diet) I have lost 71lbs. I have no stats as far as how my vitamin levels are, they took my blood but haven’t scheduled me for another appointment until April, so if I die, we know why. Thing are normal, my hair is falling out and I’m trying as hard as I can to keep up with the sagging skin on my thighs. I have also developed this constant concern every time I eat that I am eating too much even though I’m having a cup of food or less per meal, I’m sure most people go through this. I’m just afraid of having gone through all this pain for nothing.

With this brief update I will leave you to go back in my closet. Maybe I will find something in a size 12 or 14 (from my “skinny” days) back there. If anyone feels like leaving some feedback I would like to hear if you are in or out of the closet and the reception you have received.