In the Fatty Closet

Hiding in my closet behind size 20 pants and 3x tops is me. I look like a child trying on her mother’s clothes; except I’m an adult and those over sized clothes are mine. Everything is too big and I’m too broke to buy anything new especially with the knowledge that those clothes will also be too big sooner than later. People keep asking me how I did it and I tell them I have started to eat right and I started playing those Just Dance games. Though, it is true that for some eating right and getting off their fat asses and sweating will work, it didn’t for me and I am still ashamed by the stigma of fatty surgery. I don’t want anyone to downplay my victory and the way I feel about my weight loss because I had the surgery. I’m not ready to come out of the fatty closet. In a way I am disappointed, I owned my fat but why can’t I own this? Someday I suppose.  

A minor medical update: After months of no follow ups due to the hurricane I finally got to see a doctor who told me to continue on the track I am on. Since the day of my surgery in September and my appointment this past January I have lost 55lbs.  In total, since August (including the liquid diet) I have lost 71lbs. I have no stats as far as how my vitamin levels are, they took my blood but haven’t scheduled me for another appointment until April, so if I die, we know why. Thing are normal, my hair is falling out and I’m trying as hard as I can to keep up with the sagging skin on my thighs. I have also developed this constant concern every time I eat that I am eating too much even though I’m having a cup of food or less per meal, I’m sure most people go through this. I’m just afraid of having gone through all this pain for nothing.

With this brief update I will leave you to go back in my closet. Maybe I will find something in a size 12 or 14 (from my “skinny” days) back there. If anyone feels like leaving some feedback I would like to hear if you are in or out of the closet and the reception you have received.